Prodigal to Shepherd

The morning after I surrendered my life to Christ, I drove back to the church and bought my first Bible. I sat with it in my hands and asked one question: where do I start?

That question has shaped everything since.

My name is Tony Smith. For nearly twenty years I have served in church ministry as a volunteer — from consoling crying infants in the nursery to teaching men’s retreats, from leading youth to standing before a few hundred men in an auditorium. In all of it, one constant has remained: the transformational power of the Word of God for those who diligently seek Him through it. This is the story of how I got here.

Seeds on Thorns

My faith journey began at ten years old, going to church with my mother. I was baptized shortly afterward, and church attendance became customary in my life. Then my parents separated, and my younger brother and I moved to Florida — what was meant to be a summer stay became permanent. What started beautifully ended in disaster.

I spent my high school years in South Florida and my college years in Gainesville. For four years of high school, one dream consumed me: getting into the University of Florida. When the decision letter arrived and everyone around me had been rejected, I felt something I had never felt before — angst and sudden adulation simultaneously. I still have the photo from that day. I thought I had reached the pinnacle. I hadn’t! It was supposed to be only the beginning.

It was during those college years that I wrestled with what I believed, until the thorns took over. The seeds of the gospel had been planted, but they never took root. My life fit exactly what Jesus taught in the parable of the sower — I was the seed that fell among thorns. Exposed to things I had never seen, I was deceived into the deceitfulness of sin. It is true that sin is pleasurable for a season, but the costs are never worth the price. Year after year my sin squandered the opportunity. Classes became secondary. The party became primary. That inverted focus ended with me a college dropout, lost in sin, and wandering in life without purpose.

The Night the Seed Was Watered

By the time I was twenty-seven, I recognized a void and the tugging on my heart. When the seed of the gospel is in you, it desires to grow. Sometimes it just needs a little water. While living in California, my aunt and uncle dragged me to church. If I was going to live with them, I was going to abide by their rules. During a midweek service, the seed was watered. I believed the gospel and surrendered my life to Jesus Christ.

I distinctly remember that night — the message of love, forgiveness, and repentance. I had presumed upon grace for years, wondering how God could ever forgive me — yet I surrendered. I left the burden of sin at the cross. The guilt was lifted and I was born from above.

I remember the short car ride home wrestling with two opposing emotions — excitement and seriousness. I was excited because I knew my whole life had just changed. I was serious because I knew my whole life had just changed. The question was how?

Job

I went home that night and realized I didn’t own a Bible. I could have borrowed one, but I needed to invest in my own. The next morning I returned to the church and purchased my first Bible. I held it in my hands and asked: where do I start? So, I sat and waited until I was led to open it. Where was I led? Job. Job? Yes, Job.

I am a man who earned his failures. Job was a man who didn’t earn his specific tribulation—though like all of us, he bore the weight of Adam’s curse. I had spat in the face of grace and mercy for years. Job held his faith through suffering he never deserved in the way I deserved mine. That contrast hit me before I finished the first chapter. In his darkest moment, Job humbly declared, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return’ — and worshipped. I had nothing Job had, and I had responded to far less with far worse.

As I read, the childhood Sunday School version of Job disappeared. The Job of the Bible was entirely different. It was as if I had eyes for the first time — I began to see the love of God and the testimony of Jesus woven through the entire book. Two verses leaped off the page and course-corrected my entire life. “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”—that gave me purpose. “I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look upon a young woman?” — that corrected my lusts. One man’s ancient suffering handed me exactly what I needed the morning after my conversion.

When I finished reading the book of Job, I had one question: who else have I not truly known? What else have I not fully understood? From that point on, I have had an appetite for the Word of God that is insatiable.

An Answered Prayer

Pursuing ministry was never my ambition. In the weeks that followed, my prayer was simply for the Lord to open a door and place me where He desired. I read my Bible, prayed, and began fellowshipping with my new church home. It didn’t take long. The youth pastor approached me and asked if I would volunteer in youth ministry. I looked at him in shock—in my heart, probably on my face too—thinking: this is unbelievable. The Lord had just answered my prayer.

I saw those young people and recognized the path they were on. Their faith was not yet their own. They knew the stories and the right answers to the questions—but their faith resembled mine at the same age. I could see the next ten years of their lives, and I saw the misery they were about to walk into. The Lord had placed me in their lives to share my story and point them to the power of His Word. It was there I learned something I have never forgotten: no one cares what you know until they know how much you care. The shepherd smells like sheep.

While serving in youth ministry, I began attending the Men’s Bible study—first as a student, then leading small groups, until one day I was asked to teach the main lesson. At the time, this ministry consisted of a few hundred men meeting in a school auditorium. I was terrified. These were businessmen, entrepreneurs, ministry leaders--men who had mentored me. What could I possibly teach them?

Hur

It’s at this point that most young men fall into a trap. They taste the pulpit, hear the applause, and believe that is what ministry is all about. Pastoral ministry is a calling—not an ambition. For years people have suggested I start my own church or to lead a particular ministry after another pastor moved on. They mean it as a compliment, but they don’t understand the burden a pastor carries. I have never wanted Moses’ role. I have sought to hold up his arms.

Exodus 17 tells the story of the Israelites’ battle with the Amalekites. Three men are central: Moses, Aaron, and Hur. As long as Moses’ hands were raised, Israel prevailed. When his strength failed and his arms began to fall, Israel faltered. So Aaron and Hur came alongside and held his arms up until the battle was won. Moses commands attention and respect—but carries a burden most cannot imagine. Aaron was given the priesthood, a prominent role—the aspiring leader waiting for his opportunity, yet his household showed patterns of compromised reverence.

Hur falls into obscurity in the biblical record. Without him the battle would have been lost, and he is barely mentioned again. Hur doesn’t seek the spotlight. He shows up when needed, comes alongside in the moment of weakness, and quietly fades when the job is done.

Some ministries have many Hur’s. Some have too many Aaron’s. Hur is not a glamorous role—it is a role of humility, not caring who gets the credit as long as the battle is won.

That is the ministry I have pursued for about twenty years now. I write for the Hur’s—those serving faithfully in the background, holding up a pastor’s arms without needing the credit. I write for pastors who need faithful leaders beside them. This is the role of the under-shepherd: beneath the pastor, beneath the Chief Shepherd, whose flock we all tend.

What I Believe About Scripture

I believe the Scriptures are the inspired, God-breathed Word of God—fully sufficient and able to transform any and all who diligently seek Him through the text. Scripture is not a behavior modification tool. It is not a collection of life tips. It is the living Word of the living God.

I believe the pattern Ezra followed is the pattern we are called to: prepare your heart, seek the law of the Lord, do it, then teach it. Prepare. Seek. Do. Teach. Too many rush straight to teach—seeking a pulpit they were never meant to occupy.

What Started as a Study Guide

What began as writing a resource for my brothers at my home church has grown into two Bible study guides — Exploring Ezra and a future companion study on Nehemiah — one published, one in development, with more to come Lord willing. My hope and prayer is that believers would study and be transformed by the Word of God, and that those called to lead would have resources worthy of the task.

I didn’t become a shepherd by seeking the flock — I became the under-shepherd to serve the flock.

They Aren’t Here to Hear from You

Then a peace came. A brother spoke truth into my life, and it is a message I have never forgotten: they aren’t here to hear from you—they are here to hear from God. The weight of performance lifted instantly. Instead of preparing something to impress, I prepared my heart and searched the Scriptures for what God had for them. That principle has been foundational to everything I have taught since. I have sought only to be His vessel—to pour out on others what He has poured in.

If you're a pastor or ministry leader serving quietly in the background — holding up someone else's arms — I write for you.

If you want to see how I approach Scripture in practice, you can examine the advance copy of Exploring Ezra for yourself.

Don't take my word for it. Test it against the Word.